What is it with MY man?

So I've been lost in love for the past year of my life and wouldn't you know that today is one of those "off again" days? What is with men? I mean seriously, why can they not see that if they would do a few SMALL things, we'd be willing to do a whole lot of BIG things? Think I'm lying? All I want is for him to protect and provide. PROTECT and PROVIDE. Now someone is reading this and thinking that I'm asking for the world. They just don't know. I do damn near everything that NEEDS to be done for me, myself. All I'm looking for is a little help. SO, the protection and provision is minimal. I just need him to have my back. That means to be prepared to catch me, SHOULD I fall. Why is that too much to ask? I mean, if I'm taking care of the affection, building the esteem, supporting and nurturing, what more does he need? I give him his space yet I'm there when he calls. Is asking to have my "I hate men" sessions with my girls too much?? It's no different to me than that rapper that comes up. Sure, he's got it made now. No more drug game. But every now and then he likes to get on the mic and rap about how gully and gutter he STILL is (even though he ain't). I guess I'm the same way. I have a good man. I have truly come up. But every now and again I want to sit around with my girls and laugh at the few flaws he has, however minor they may be. I want to talk about how I'm leaving (when I know good and full well that I ain't going nowhere). Its what we women do: complain. Its as necessary as breathing. At the end of the day, its nothing more than what you men do on Thanksgiving during the game. I just need to do it more often. *le sigh* Why does that have to be so bad?

Just A Thought June 12, 2009

"You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight."

If I had to pick one thing I detest most about my life, I'd probably choose being the eldest child. Ever since I was a child, I've been a leader. While being a leader sounds great, I assure you that it's not really. The leader is always the one blamed for the outcome of any situation. We see it everyday. When the Magics lost the first game of the series, I heard radio announcers blaming it on the coach's pep talk the next day. Interesting. One person's influence matters so much that even though they aren't on the court, they are responsible for what happens on the court? It just doesn't seem fair to me. But that's just my point: it isn't fair. Bishop T.D. Jakes preached once that "favor ain't fair." There is a certain amount of favor in being the leader, and no it's not fair. From the way leaders are often chosen (listen to her, she's the oldest or hire him, he has the most prestigious credentials), to the way they are praised ( let's hear it for the great work Phil Jackson did on winning games 1,2, and 4) and even chastened, none of it ever seems fair. I say all that to say, that perhaps I hate being a leader because I've always known that my internal compass was off. While I knew this, no one else seemed to care, and as a consequence I've always been judged by the actions of those around me rather than mine own. Finally I realize why: it's never been about me. It's been about the work I was supposed to do through others ALL ALONG. So when the "others" are not performing as they should be, it's because I am not performing as I should be. Could the same be said for you?

"It is our choices, Harry, that show us who we truly are. Far more then our abilities."

Just A Thought May 21, 2009

"Blessed are the ears that hear the pulse of the divine whisperer, and give no heed to the many whisperings of the world."

I had a talk with a minister from my former church last night and for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past 4 months, my greatest fears were confirmed. I have been called into ministry. I am compelled to speak, driven to write, dying to sing, yearning to dance and its all for the glory of God. For the past three days I've had no voice really. As I thought long and hard about why I'd lost my voice, I came to conclusion that there must be something that God wants me to hear and since I wouldn't shut up on my own, He had to do it for me. Well, what I heard was no different than what I've been hearing. Only this time, I'm really listening. I'd be lying if I said that I am not afraid. I feel as though I'm being set up. When I think of ministry, I don't think of people like me. I think of people that inspire greatness. I think of people that have much and do much with it. What is it that I'm supposed to say? And who in the world wants to hear it? While I pray daily for the answers to these questions, more than that I pray that the Lord is pleased with my response.

"Theology, not morality, is the first business on the church`s agenda of reform, and the church, not society, is the first target of divine criticism."

Just A Thought December 19, 2008

"Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves?"

I have had more jobs than the average person will have in their entire lifetime. This is something that some would say I should be embarrassed about, but I am not. I have had the opportunity to explore many different fields and be paid for the training I received. Each job afforded me with an in depth look at the ins and outs of each industry. As someone who is passionate about so many things, I find it hard to stay in places that require me to pigeon-hole my talent or interests. I enjoy being able to do a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I find that often times we miss the opportunity in life to indulge in what makes us happy. We've been conditioned to believe that we "must" attend college or that we must "choose" a profession and then stay on that path. I encourage you to abandon that way of thinking. The only thing we "must" do is find our passion. You will often times find that God has gifted you in a way that complements your passion. Dedicate your life to living out that which fuels you. You will find then that you never "work" another day in your life.

"Chase your passion, not your pension."

Just A Thought December 18, 2008

“Charity is injurious unless it helps the recipient to become independent of it.”

I had an interesting discussion with a good friend of mine about welfare. He didn't understand how someone who has benefited from social programs can be so adamantly opposed to expanding them. (You know the rule about not commenting on that of which I do not know........:-) I began to explain that the problem is not with having social programs in place, but with the TYPE of social programs being expanded. The idea of welfare was initially to give people a "hand up." But years of low expectations have turned it into a "hand out." Welfare ought to aid people in becoming self sufficient, not enable them to live like everyone else without doing any of the labor. Think about it people, this is why we oppose socialism! I work in the social service industry and I see first hand how people learn to "work" the system. Who can blame them? Why get up and go to work when there are people who will pay your rent and all of your utilities without requiring you to do anything more than provide your personal information and sign on the line? I understand that life sometimes deals us a losing hand, but even then we have an opportunity to turn it around. I have a dear friend that survived Hurricane Katrina. He lost his father during that ordeal and his family was torn apart. However, 3 years later he and his wife are living in Texas raising two beautiful and healthy children. By all accounts they have succeeded in triumphing over tragedy. THAT my friends is what welfare ought to do..................assist people in stepping up to the level they've worked so hard to reach.

“I always tried to turn every disaster into an opportunity.”

(This thought in no way implies that my friend is or ever was a welfare recipient. )LOL

Just A Thought December 17, 2008

"Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.

I have a tendency to measure my relationships against those of my past and those of others. This is a terrible thing, as I have been in some pretty awful relationships. Add that to the fact that other people tend to look alot better off than they really are and you can see my dilemma. I am at a point now where the best relationship I have ever had is slowly deteriorating before my very eyes. I know how to stop this from happening but I am afraid that I can't. From day one I've been waiting for the point where the relationship proves itself to be just like all the others, and finally it has come. I realize that its ME. We have a tendency to refuse to let a new relationship be just that, A NEW RELATIONSHIP. This is a person who has been down the road we've been down, but not WITH us. They may have experienced the same hurts we have, or perpetrated the same wrongs as our exes, but that was BEFORE us. Instead of creating new memories to replace the old, we choose to relive our past through our present. This is only okay if we want to end up alone. If we keep looking for misery, confusion, dishonesty, and heartbreak, we will eventually find it. That you can bet on.

"What we see depends mainly on what we look for."

Just A Thought December 16, 2008

“Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue."

I have a tendency to become embroiled in some of the most heated discussions. It is not something that I do intentionally. It sort of just "happens." It's like, I can't help but tell people what I think. I have a rule that I do not comment on that which I do not know, but rarely does a situation arise in which that the case. (I promise I am not lying :-) What I have found though, is that being right is not always winning. I mean, theoretically you may win, but at what cost. Having people feel as though they'd just "rather not" whenever you come around can be a little daunting. Sure, people will acknowledge and admire your intellect, but at the end of the day who really wants to go head to head with a "know it all?" People enjoy conversation in which they can play an active role. This means that sometimes it's okay just to listen to what someone else thinks and to not have the last word. Even though you really are right! :-)

"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win."