Thursday, October 25, 2012

If You Have to Ask..........

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot ever be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart" Helen Keller

I have this pet peeve: I hate when people ask me how I feel about something. I mean, mostly because I know that I'm going to tell them and alter the course of our relationship forever from that moment. You shouldn't have to ask me how I feel about anything. ESPECIALLY how I feel about you. I know, I know what you are thinking: "Well if I don't ask, how will I know?" This is where your intuition and security come into play. If you don't feel unfortunate as that may be, know this: Hearing me profess my love to/for you isn't going to do much to change that. You will still FEEL the way you feel. *cocks head to the side* You will STILL feel the way that you feel. I know that this sounds incredibly insensitive and I'm truly sorry about that. But the reality is that I just don't want that responsibility. You know, the responsibility of reassuring you............I just want to love you and be who I am.

"Is it really possible to tell someone else what one feels?" Leo Tolstoy

I Seriously Wonder.......

How much of an ass was I back when I was a college freshman? I don't remember not doing my work, not showing up for class nor do I remember giving the teacher a "hard time." Okay I'm lying about that, I remember being seen as the problem student. But that was because I learn best via the Socratic method. Many people tend to feel insulted when you question what they tell you. I suppose I can understand that, because I hate when my husband asks me anything. But that's kind of a different story, because bless his heart, I hate a lot of stuff he does. :/ But back to me and school. I find myself sitting in class now wondering why in the hell these kids even bother showing up. No pens, pencils, paper, or books. Just attitude. For what? What the fuck are you upset about? You've got it made right now. This class is the hardest part of your day. FOH with your attitude! If anyone should have an attitude it should be me. Here I am 32 years old sitting in a class that I SHOULD have completed 10 years ago. *sigh* But I'm not mad. In fact, I'm happy to be here. I'm glad I grew past that stage of believing that I didn't need a college degree. I mean, still don't feel that I need one. I just want it. :)